dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
