I feel like abortions should bother me more
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
