I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
