He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
