Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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