Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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