didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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