I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My vagina is very pro this idea
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
