I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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