Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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