if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
