Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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