were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
