bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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