i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
