I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
