We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
