I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
