She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
