Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
