Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
