SEEEEXXX PLEASE
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
