She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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