do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
