whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
