I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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