somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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