i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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