Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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