I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
