Little spoons don't ask big questions
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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