He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
