Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
