Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
