Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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