I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
