you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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