I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
