I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
