"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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