they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
