I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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