You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
