i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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