porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
