Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
