just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
