Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
