i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
