Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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