FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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