bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Even my vagina gasped.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
