listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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